Emotional Sobriety

Decades ago I found my way into an AlAnon meeting. I was lost but sure there was another alcoholic in my life cresting havoc. I went for the wrong reason but have returned for the right ones.

I’m 78 years old and damaged very early by the effects of the family disease of alcoholism. I returned to face-to-face meetings a bit over one year ago. Living with MCS which was the “gift” of Uber sensitivities on multiple fronts has been the experience of deeply diving and uncovering generational damage with no tools to heal. No conscious tools that is! Unconsciously my Ancestors’ patience waited like sentient and ancient seeds sensing when the conditions for bursting through those miraculous seed coats— there is a name but it won’t come to my brain now.

Like tincturing La’au a conductor needs to loosen the mana in the weed, plant leaf, root to make medicine. Alcohol ironically has been what I’ve used to make what my origin herbal teacher taught. That plant medicine has been my remedy for almost 20 years.

Slowly I am adapting the remedy and began asking for alternatives: glycerin instead of alcohol slowly replaces some of my plant medicine.

My AlAnon program grows stronger as I keep the focus on me. I learned about Emotional Sobriety in the AlAnon “big book”…How Alanon Works. “What the fuck is that?”

I asked at my home group in person??? I had no idea what a vitally important question that would be. Not picking up the emotional rage, drama, indignation, martyrdom, blame that has been my bottle since birth (nearly) is the hardest practice of my life. 

But it’s the most important practice to becoming the best me without excess pride, smugness or martyrdom. I find myself race toward the old habits like an addiction or alcoholic. And, one event, one day at a time I slow down PAUSE… postponing action until spirit enters. It’s my “way back to groovy” as author Deborah Ellis says in my new favorite “Reparenting old people’s book” Outsmarters.

That's my ROPB (Reparenting Old People's Booklist!) stacked on my grandson's sleeping bag that we keep here on our island (Whidbey) when he and our Super 'Ohana come to visit from their island (Maui).

Books have always been my highway to groovy, That's the thing about being human: we are each seeded with Ola… life spirit and it’s finding the light tucked inside us that makes life delicious and hopeful. Your/my soul can fill up and burst out like Scarlet Runner Beans in goat poop perfectly composted when conditions are right!

I’m a Scarlet Runner Bean learning emotional sobriety!

E Ola 

Lokahi

 Three characters have come together. Within me, I recognize

1. Tea Pot Monk, Rivera Sun’s kitchen monk from The Way Between has made his way to me. My Chinese ancestors, those wondrously unknown but marked within me lead me away from war (in all ways). Food, tea, nourishment.

2. Mo’okiha of Moku’ula you are the Kanaka ‘aumakua for whom I am named. I have grown into my kuleana. I am responsible for keeping water clean. In all ways.

3. Azar. Another Rivera Sun gift. The way between is AZAR. I am one: a Calizar.

Triangulation Lokahi Equals 

I am found.

A garden room

 We have a beautiful summer garden, once a circle I have a feeling she needed to be squared up this year. Almost counter-intuitively, or maybe it was just one more very male or organizing itches I needed to see corners or lines to a life that is changing yet again.

Together a project like this garden needed the muscle and skill set my husband has spent a lifetime doing. He’s very intimate with a shovel and being on his knees to set and lay block. There were days of manual work to turn a wintered circle into a fat square.

My part would follow though participation is something Pete always calls for; to an extent. The planning of what to plant, into what the plants or seeds would go is my part. 

The separation is therapeutic. We live in 64 square feet, a garden becomes a third room (we have the Quonset for many uses, but the vardo is bedroom and main living space.) I’m pecking at letters in the dark outside at just after last light. We’ve pitched our summer tent…the purple tent, and she is another room for us expanding the breathing space and making room for serenity and PAUSE (pray, and, use, spiritual energy) before saying or doing something I will regret when life isn’t going my way. 

The garden is planted, growing and wonderful. She has a frame made of recycled chicken wire, old garden shed parts, green twine woven like netting over branches of Alder and Cedar prunings. There are two gate one small one fat. 

Nature, Aina and this quote from Aunty Lynette Paglinawan keep us stitched together when we aren’t 

“Aloha is the bottom line.” 

A.L.O.H.A

 I was born purple, premature and with the planets Venus and Jupiter in the 11th House Sagittarius. According to one of my earliest teacher, Ruby Kawena Johnson, my Polynesian kupuna did not reckon the heavens as I do with these same markers or interpretations. But Ruby is a great proponent of a global migration story: we humans are all related.

This peace of story began as I reflected on the meaning of the word Aloha given to us by Aunty Pilahi Paki. Naming each letter in this most valuable source of life, my reflection was on the final “a”. Ahonui. Over the long (nui) cord (aho) or over the cord of time or measurement of time. Here is where our two teachers—Ruby Kawena Johnson and Pilahi Paki come together in my core spot of intelligence (my na’au) to flesh out meaning for me. An interpretation is coming into being for me. I am digesting a long in coming knowing.

Ruby introduced me to the knotted cord and it’s global presence as a measuring tool. Measuring time. Measuring distance. Made from durable fibers of cordage such as Yucca in the Mexican cultures, olona and la’i in Polynesia, the tying of knots (knotted cord)in simple and extraordinarily complex knots for practical and sacred geometry brings me to the Ahonui of the final A in the utterance of Aloha.

Viewed as an expression an experiential intelligence to meet life (every day in every way)aloha is one more example of how language the orally conveyance is a mindful and meaningful knotted cord. 

A. L. O. H. A. It is just after midnight and perhaps now I can sleep. It has been a long day and night. A place has been made for my reflections and digestion is happening. Release comes. Mahalo nui na kupuna.