Purple Rage

 I shall wear purple when I’m an old woman 

Why wait! I was born purple and the forceps were cold and the lights so damnably bright. 

No warm tender brown hands held me. I was born purple strangled before birth no dream of wearing purple.

I shall wear purple when I’m an old woman. 

Why wait! My tiny lungs want to scream from the place where EA was truly a sovereign domain.

I shall wear purple when I’m an old woman.

Why wait! The incubator was science replacing Aloha. Keeping a palm sized female alive after the Kamakaze bombed paradise hoping to rid the planet of Haole.

Ha! Ole. No moa breath. 

I was born purple knowing being alive, breathing without science was gonna be hell.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple.

Vestiges of my mo’olelo left memory in my tonsils and butterfly gland. Gill slits behind my ears reminding me of an ancient protocol.

When I am an old woman I Will remember who I am. At first purple called to me like a promise of … something 

Something warm. 

Something real.

Something welcoming.

An angry baby girl more fish than mammal the purple fish screamed for the promise of EA for her tutu, 

her grandmother who never got to speak all her pieces,

for the Queen Lili'u e who told her people to put the rifles down, 

for the brother she would have who led patrols in army fatigues again and again in wars against people who looked JUST LIKE US because he thought it his duty, 

for the father who rode steel caterpillar scraping aina again and again because it was a pay check but there was no ear protection so his blood burst in his brain. Primo and cheap wine calmed the demons but turned him ugly. He was lucky he was deaf  not dead. Or what?

When I am an old woman I will write poetry in the dark nights of my soul seated under a purple tent.

I 'ue.

I rip open my heart, put both my hands around her warm we are both.

I whale becoming like kohola, ancient mammal sea being.

I hu the sorrow and the night hears my voice becoming stars. 

PURPLE RAGE. A different version of Hoagie Carmichael's Deep Purple, in his Stardust, my Poppa Honey's favorite mele. 

Emotional Sobriety

Decades ago I found my way into an AlAnon meeting. I was lost but sure there was another alcoholic in my life cresting havoc. I went for the wrong reason but have returned for the right ones.

I’m 78 years old and damaged very early by the effects of the family disease of alcoholism. I returned to face-to-face meetings a bit over one year ago. Living with MCS which was the “gift” of Uber sensitivities on multiple fronts has been the experience of deeply diving and uncovering generational damage with no tools to heal. No conscious tools that is! Unconsciously my Ancestors’ patience waited like sentient and ancient seeds sensing when the conditions for bursting through those miraculous seed coats— there is a name but it won’t come to my brain now.

Like tincturing La’au a conductor needs to loosen the mana in the weed, plant leaf, root to make medicine. Alcohol ironically has been what I’ve used to make what my origin herbal teacher taught. That plant medicine has been my remedy for almost 20 years.

Slowly I am adapting the remedy and began asking for alternatives: glycerin instead of alcohol slowly replaces some of my plant medicine.

My AlAnon program grows stronger as I keep the focus on me. I learned about Emotional Sobriety in the AlAnon “big book”…How Alanon Works. “What the fuck is that?”

I asked at my home group in person??? I had no idea what a vitally important question that would be. Not picking up the emotional rage, drama, indignation, martyrdom, blame that has been my bottle since birth (nearly) is the hardest practice of my life. 

But it’s the most important practice to becoming the best me without excess pride, smugness or martyrdom. I find myself race toward the old habits like an addiction or alcoholic. And, one event, one day at a time I slow down PAUSE… postponing action until spirit enters. It’s my “way back to groovy” as author Deborah Ellis says in my new favorite “Reparenting old people’s book” Outsmarters.

That's my ROPB (Reparenting Old People's Booklist!) stacked on my grandson's sleeping bag that we keep here on our island (Whidbey) when he and our Super 'Ohana come to visit from their island (Maui).

Books have always been my highway to groovy, That's the thing about being human: we are each seeded with Ola… life spirit and it’s finding the light tucked inside us that makes life delicious and hopeful. Your/my soul can fill up and burst out like Scarlet Runner Beans in goat poop perfectly composted when conditions are right!

I’m a Scarlet Runner Bean learning emotional sobriety!

E Ola 

Lokahi

 Three characters have come together. Within me, I recognize

1. Tea Pot Monk, Rivera Sun’s kitchen monk from The Way Between has made his way to me. My Chinese ancestors, those wondrously unknown but marked within me lead me away from war (in all ways). Food, tea, nourishment.

2. Mo’okiha of Moku’ula you are the Kanaka ‘aumakua for whom I am named. I have grown into my kuleana. I am responsible for keeping water clean. In all ways.

3. Azar. Another Rivera Sun gift. The way between is AZAR. I am one: a Calizar.

Triangulation Lokahi Equals 

I am found.

A garden room

 We have a beautiful summer garden, once a circle I have a feeling she needed to be squared up this year. Almost counter-intuitively, or maybe it was just one more very male or organizing itches I needed to see corners or lines to a life that is changing yet again.

Together a project like this garden needed the muscle and skill set my husband has spent a lifetime doing. He’s very intimate with a shovel and being on his knees to set and lay block. There were days of manual work to turn a wintered circle into a fat square.

My part would follow though participation is something Pete always calls for; to an extent. The planning of what to plant, into what the plants or seeds would go is my part. 

The separation is therapeutic. We live in 64 square feet, a garden becomes a third room (we have the Quonset for many uses, but the vardo is bedroom and main living space.) I’m pecking at letters in the dark outside at just after last light. We’ve pitched our summer tent…the purple tent, and she is another room for us expanding the breathing space and making room for serenity and PAUSE (pray, and, use, spiritual energy) before saying or doing something I will regret when life isn’t going my way. 

The garden is planted, growing and wonderful. She has a frame made of recycled chicken wire, old garden shed parts, green twine woven like netting over branches of Alder and Cedar prunings. There are two gate one small one fat. 

Nature, Aina and this quote from Aunty Lynette Paglinawan keep us stitched together when we aren’t 

“Aloha is the bottom line.” 

A.L.O.H.A

 I was born purple, premature and with the planets Venus and Jupiter in the 11th House Sagittarius. According to one of my earliest teacher, Ruby Kawena Johnson, my Polynesian kupuna did not reckon the heavens as I do with these same markers or interpretations. But Ruby is a great proponent of a global migration story: we humans are all related.

This peace of story began as I reflected on the meaning of the word Aloha given to us by Aunty Pilahi Paki. Naming each letter in this most valuable source of life, my reflection was on the final “a”. Ahonui. Over the long (nui) cord (aho) or over the cord of time or measurement of time. Here is where our two teachers—Ruby Kawena Johnson and Pilahi Paki come together in my core spot of intelligence (my na’au) to flesh out meaning for me. An interpretation is coming into being for me. I am digesting a long in coming knowing.

Ruby introduced me to the knotted cord and it’s global presence as a measuring tool. Measuring time. Measuring distance. Made from durable fibers of cordage such as Yucca in the Mexican cultures, olona and la’i in Polynesia, the tying of knots (knotted cord)in simple and extraordinarily complex knots for practical and sacred geometry brings me to the Ahonui of the final A in the utterance of Aloha.

Viewed as an expression an experiential intelligence to meet life (every day in every way)aloha is one more example of how language the orally conveyance is a mindful and meaningful knotted cord. 

A. L. O. H. A. It is just after midnight and perhaps now I can sleep. It has been a long day and night. A place has been made for my reflections and digestion is happening. Release comes. Mahalo nui na kupuna.

The healing medicine of story

 "This blog started as a birthday present. You knew that though, didn't you?" To whom did I imagine my question would reach? Sitting to consider why I'd want to write, I give myself time to enjoy the cool air and pollen-free experience at the public library.  Many avenues seem to be converging as I gather thoughts, questions and memories that inspire me.  "We gather only those (things) that inspire us, " said the little Basque shaman woman. Angeles Arrien, has been a consistent guide for my personal exploration. Returning to this blog it's a time of reflection. Thirteen years ago the first piece of a present began to rite itself into what has become The Safety Pin Cafe. This story, has been medicine and continues to save my life from being meaningless.

So, once again who is it I'm hoping to engage? 

E Lono, it is you I invoke with the keystrokes and intentions rising from my awakened na'au. It is you, Lono I write to now.

"Funny, you who have so diligently strokes the page with writing tools. You are calling on the "Environment" to witness your reflections?”

I think I may be doing just that, but I'm not sure. Let me breathe that uncertainty in and release it. Yes, Lono i ka wai, I do call on you since all these writing tools connect with the Internet, and all the Internet require your space -- the Environment. 

My seat is now under the outstretched arms of the Alder Forest here on Ke Kuapa where we live with Luna, the Golden Doodle and her mom, Hopi. We’ve just eaten Chicken and Long Rice with yummy veggies from the earth and ocean. Above us , you Lono gather moisture rich clouds. Rain, Hahai no ka us I ka ulu la’au. Plant a forest and the rain comes. Share purpose with others and transform the world.

You see where I’m going with this e Lonomakua? With each and everyday I am becoming more pono in every way. Truth telling began with the story that was mythic in a cafe I imagined into being. That kaao, is this ongoing lived experience. 

E Lono

E Lono noho I ka Wai…

Lono and Uranus

 We worked and planned, then finally gathered to celebrate Earth. A couple dozen people ranging in age from seven months to eighty-6 came together for an evening of community.

Sow seeds of peace

Weave Lei

Sing ALOHA 

There was a plan and my old habit of trying to nail a plan down was softened up as the Kipahulu ti leaves remain on their own field trip someone in the postal network, the canopy I thought necessary to shelter people from rain was unusable because of its toxic fragrance, and though “advertised” as an outdoor event we stayed inside to eat and sow the realities of the present.

We celebrated and sung not only songs of peace and aloha but a birthday for a dear friend. New friends snd old friends clustered in the snug apartment and our grandson from Kipahulu, Maui chanted a pule to bless the gathering’s meal thanks to technology.

People offered us gifts of cash to contribute to our ohana who experienced storm damage in the recent Hawaii “Kona low” rains and winds. MAMOMA stickers went home with these folks to connect the intention to Mahalo our Momona Makuahine. 

This was the first of these flexible circles of sowing peace, weaving lei and singing ALOHA. The process surprised me, and in time I hope to gather reflections from those who were with us. 

It’s a beautiful beginning and the akua are definitely the ones in charge. Lono is the god of the environment—the space right above the skin of the Earth up to the heavens where we are able to breathe. He is also the elemental god who encourages deep resonance— listening. Lono is responsible for the rains, lightning and thunder. We had light rains all evening but the sun broke through when our friend Linda Carol begun to play the harmonium and chant in Sanskrit The Water Chant. 

Uranus in the archetypal character dictionary is the planet of unexpected and surprising outcomes. An “outer planet” Uranus was in the sector of my astrological chart called the 5th House while our gathering took place. 5th House is the House of children and creativity. Unexpected outcomes for this creative event!!