Emotional Sobriety

Decades ago I found my way into an AlAnon meeting. I was lost but sure there was another alcoholic in my life cresting havoc. I went for the wrong reason but have returned for the right ones.

I’m 78 years old and damaged very early by the effects of the family disease of alcoholism. I returned to face-to-face meetings a bit over one year ago. Living with MCS which was the “gift” of Uber sensitivities on multiple fronts has been the experience of deeply diving and uncovering generational damage with no tools to heal. No conscious tools that is! Unconsciously my Ancestors’ patience waited like sentient and ancient seeds sensing when the conditions for bursting through those miraculous seed coats— there is a name but it won’t come to my brain now.

Like tincturing La’au a conductor needs to loosen the mana in the weed, plant leaf, root to make medicine. Alcohol ironically has been what I’ve used to make what my origin herbal teacher taught. That plant medicine has been my remedy for almost 20 years.

Slowly I am adapting the remedy and began asking for alternatives: glycerin instead of alcohol slowly replaces some of my plant medicine.

My AlAnon program grows stronger as I keep the focus on me. I learned about Emotional Sobriety in the AlAnon “big book”…How Alanon Works. “What the fuck is that?”

I asked at my home group in person??? I had no idea what a vitally important question that would be. Not picking up the emotional rage, drama, indignation, martyrdom, blame that has been my bottle since birth (nearly) is the hardest practice of my life. 

But it’s the most important practice to becoming the best me without excess pride, smugness or martyrdom. I find myself race toward the old habits like an addiction or alcoholic. And, one event, one day at a time I slow down PAUSE… postponing action until spirit enters. It’s my “way back to groovy” as author Deborah Ellis says in my new favorite “Reparenting old people’s book” Outsmarters.

That's my ROPB (Reparenting Old People's Booklist!) stacked on my grandson's sleeping bag that we keep here on our island (Whidbey) when he and our Super 'Ohana come to visit from their island (Maui).

Books have always been my highway to groovy, That's the thing about being human: we are each seeded with Ola… life spirit and it’s finding the light tucked inside us that makes life delicious and hopeful. Your/my soul can fill up and burst out like Scarlet Runner Beans in goat poop perfectly composted when conditions are right!

I’m a Scarlet Runner Bean learning emotional sobriety!

E Ola